I think there are two ways to be in love.


The first is the movie version kind. starlight, roses, the sighing of names, and that 'thing' that can't be described but exists. This kind of head over heals love is very real, and so very amazing. But in spite of the intensity of this love it doesn't always last. It is hard to keep the rhythm of a starlit waltz on the clouds when back on earth there is bills and babies and all sorts of other real life things.

The second is completely different. It is the love produced by thought and action rather than emotion. It is the decision to love. It is doing whatever it takes to think good, positive, and loving things about someone; to do and say loving things for them even when you don't feel love for them. If you continue to guide your thoughts and actions into love, eventually your feelings will catch up. there is a great power in this kind of love. It is not something that happens to you, it doesn't require a fall. It is a choice. Everyday I make the choice to love you in spite of how I feel about it right now. The problem is, to maintain this love without the foundation of a yearning, longing kind of love. It is exhausting, and constant. If one or both of you takes a break you are in trouble because there is nothing there to lean on.

Love seems hopeless at times, both times. I have experienced and lost both kinds of love. and now that I am alone and have time to think about it, I think I figured something crucial out (better late than never) I don't think either kind of love is enough to last forever. If you don't have the 'lost in a Camelot of our own' love to start with it is simply to hard for two people, no matter how hard they try, to maintain the intellectual love forever. If you rely on the emotional love without ever putting thought into it real life will steal its power.

Don't dispair, I have the answer. ***warning you are taking advice from the woman who is all alone**** What if you held out, never settling for less than the strongest most intense kind of in love there is, what if you waited for the one and threw yourself into loving that person with your whole heart. And all the while when you are lost in feeling that swirl around your brain so fast your are dizzy, you took a breath and ask yourself, "what am I thinking about my love while I am having this feeling?" what if every time you found yourself at the florist to buy flowers, or working for hours to make the perfect apple pie for the one you love if you paused and put a name to the thoughts and emotions that inspired the spontanious action? What if you put noted all the ways you are intoxicated by them? I think if you did this while the emotions were running rampant in you, you would be providing yourself with the tools you will need when life takes the wind out of your sails. Then you get to the diaper changing, bill paying, did you get the oil changed in the car-and you it is harder to live wrapped up in a blanket of your feelings. You may not be feeling it, but you know when you did feel it, you were thinking about the way your love sang to herself whe she did the dishes, and you think about that for a while. You remember making him that pie, and you knew you did it for him because of the way he called you sweetheart, in the gentle way he has when he has to tell you that you are wrong, but doesn't want to hurt his feelings. So you bake him another pie, (unless the first one was punishment to eat) and you hope you need to be corrected again soon.

I guess what I am saying is, go for the heart pounding, can't breathe, you are the one kinda love because it is real and amazing. But don't think that having a soul deep connection means you don't have to still work at love. Find love, learn love, and then use your heart and mind to keep love.